I suppose life is just a series of cycles, around and around, up and down, on and on... and on.

Dream-time is officially over... Real life is setting in.

I just went through probably the worst depression that I've had since I've been here in Washington. The funny thing is that it still wasn't close to what I've had in my past, but it was... well?... it was real. Okay so maybe I'm still going through it.

When I get several things coming at me at once I start to drown. That's the way I roll.

Tony has been suspended from school... ummm... until June 22nd. Yes, I said JUNE... 22nd... like when school is out for summer break. He isn't a trouble maker. He was attacked a couple of times and suspended for that (considered fighting) and then he just keeps getting busted smoking cigarettes, OR with cigarettes, OR with a lighter, OR "smelling" like cigarettes. Yeah, I know it's BAD and all... but I just think that other things are worse. He would've gotten off easier if he'd taken a knife to school, but Nooooooo, he had an oh-so-fearsome BIC lighter. Anyway, I have a meeting with the school district big-dog to see if I can get him re-admitted into school ever again.

Plus there's Dani's thirteenth birthday, which meant extreme excitement... and total panic on my part as I was trying to scrape up enough money for a Video MP3 player, whatever the heck that is. ( and yes, I got it for her) In the meantime her little boyfriend broke up with her and she was heartbroken. That was the craps for a few days and then he "asked her out" again, the day before her birthday. (We used to call this sort of thing "going together"... now they call it "dating"... but they don't "date"... they must be soooo grown up... geez)

At work, Rusty decided that she wasn't so impressed with me anymore and instead?... I'm "IT"... I am the scab to pick at. She seems like she's going to push me until I break, and to tell you the truth, I'm no longer willing to put up with any kind of garbage like that.

Then there's my building frustration with being away from Wally. He's here from Saturday evening to early Tuesday morning and I'll tell you what... coming home Tuesday from work and he's not here? I hate it. It's not getting any easier. It's getting harder to deal with. I don't understand all of it... but I understand some of it. It's not at all a problem between me and Wally, it's just red tape. At any rate, I feel like I need to find a way for it not to bother me so much.

With Dani's birthday, "the family" has been calling and sending cards. Dani didn't even tell me that she got a card from her Dad and he enclosed a bit of b-day money. When he called she kept refusing to talk to him. Finally, on the third call she spoke to him for a while. Of course my step-mom called too. She didn't speak to Tony or to me and kept asking Dani repeatedly about when she would be coming HOME? In other words back to Florida. What was the poor kid supposed to say? (My guess is that she had a few grinky-poo's, heavy on the rum, before she called)

Then there was a card to Dani from Jake's Dad, with a check (gawd I hate it when he sends checks because he banks at BOOB's R US and he always writes out the checks in the kids names and that makes it almost impossible to cash... we need photo ID's, SSN numbers, birth certificates, dental records, blood and an hour to kill to cash a friggin twenty dollar check that's written out to a minor that doesn't have an account there... yes I know it should be a simple thing but it ISN'T at BOOB's R US) He wrote a short note saying that he wouldn't be sending any more checks if he doesn't hear from them. How nice. After my initial pause of surprise, all I could think was.. GOOD. Pleeeeeease DON'T send any more checks.

The thing there is that the kids have really needed a little time and space away from "the family" too. I can't say that we're "close" to any of our extended family. We love them, we know they love us and all that happy hooey but... we just haven't been that close. The ones that we were close to are all dead now.

I'm trying to sympathize with "the family's" upset over us moving... but I'm really having a hard time with it. They didn't give a flip when we were living in the same state but 60 miles away... we hardly ever saw them then... maybe it was just the thought that we were just driving distance away then and now we're not?

Then there's me drowning with guilt. Jake just isn't making it. A recent email from my brother said that Jake is being evicted and seeking out HUD housing or some kind of assistance. Huh? What the heck? How does the man think he can qualify for any of that? He's working. He's not disabled. Why does he seem to think that someone in the world owes him a living?

I didn't prepare him well enough for my exit from his life. I don't get it. He was okay through our separations... mostly. The divorce just seemed to kill him. I thought he'd be okay. I did my best to prepare him. I left him with a folder of his important papers, which he lost... AND I really thought I left him with enough money. He made it to the bank first and took more than half of the proceeds from the house, so okay. I was upset but I didn't bitch much about that. It's hard to split with a partner of many years and divide stuff in half, try to figure out what's fair. I wasn't keeping tabs and scoring up the points during our marriage, you know?

Now the problems that Tony's had with his former friends has come to a head. Tony was assaulted again, beaten and shoved into a muddy ditch of water while out skateboarding near home with a new friend. This time we filed charges. Enough is enough and this shit's got to stop. It's part of the reason for Tony's problems in school. He was skipping to avoid several guys... and he was jumped in school a couple of times and things with that went nowhere even though he was threatened with being shot. (no one heard that was said of course)

This time it's real life.

Tony and his friend gave statements. He had been threatened again. This time it was said that they'd stab him and his friend. The officer took pictures of his bruises and wet and muddy clothes that he was still wearing. The two boys that beat him were arrested for felony assault. They can only be held in jail until Monday though. I have to go to the courthouse Monday and sign some papers for a program here that's similair to a restraining order. It's for victims and their families and basically if either of these boys come near us they will be arrested again. In the meantime there are more "boys" involved than just these two. I'm concerned about them breaking in here. They all know where we live. Hmmm....

Yeah, let's just hope we can get to a phone fast enough if we see them huh?

My boss, Gangley, finally managed to get my paycheck fixed and all of the backpay I was owed was attached to it also. So, now I'm in another quandry... Should I let it stand, since I put in my notice, and quit? Or should I give them another try and stay? It's not a half bad job really... It's just that what happened here with my pay being screwed around has made me jumpy and I'm very reluctant to believe any of the other agreements that we made as I hired in. Will I be made full-time soon? Hmmm... In the meantime, I'm part-time and I'll have to start paying my union dues. Which means that I'm not making enough money and I'll have to work a second job if I stay at Blobbins. Should I stay on thinking that it might pay off more for me in the near future? I'll be deciding in the next few days.

Busy Buns got promoted. She is now Gangleys boss, and mine and just about everybody elses. Her title is weird but at this company it basically amounts to an assistant store manager in training that has no authority. The gal taking her spot as a bakery front end lead has no bakery experience at all. (COOL!.. haha!) She actually worked in the deli before and she just happens to be our stores union representative. (which I'm sure has NOTHING to do with HER getting promoted into a department supervising others doing jobs that she knows absolutely nothing about) Just a few more things to wonder about as I observe the way this company is operating.

Oh! And THIS is GREAT! Get a load of this!... A customer brought back a pound of ground beef and complained. You see, there was a ground up NAME TAG in it! HAHA! I'm sorry. It probably isn't really all that funny to most people but I just think it's hilarious! What's even better? This happened at the store that I'm at! Haha!!! We have the corperate dudes crawling all over us all of the time. We are like one of the "flagship" stores or something... and this happened HERE! Oh my! It cracks me up!

We are no longer allowed to wear our name tags back in the production areas. That's fine with me. Stuff like this just happens from time to time when you work in food service but I really don't understand it. I mean losing a button is believable, but a name tag? I mean... the things are BIG. How can it drop off of you into your product and you don't see it or notice it? Wouldn't it make a heck of a racket going through a grinder? Anyway they are looking for "solutions", so that this never happens again. My suggestion is vests with our names embroidered on them.

Dreamer and I hit it off right off the bat and that has been unbelievable to me. We just instantly liked each other before we ever even spoke. Now we've been talking to each other when we have time and the more I know about her the more I like her. After talking for about ten minutes the other morning, we've decided that we're going to open our own bakery together. She is a baker and pastry chef extrordinaire and I am a cake decorator with gum paste, marzipan, fondant and chocolate talents. We would rock. We're just dreaming for now... but it's serious dreaming... and I, for one, take my dreams very seriously now.

A little over a year ago I was dreaming of being out of my situation in Florida. I wanted to be free to drive away. I wanted to be divorced. I wanted to be free of the financial burden of that stupid house we were living in. I wanted to have my kids with me. I wanted to be with my lover. I wanted to start my life over in another place.

I'm not really sure how it all happened... I just got the ball rolling... and it rolled and rolled. Things just sort of fell into place and at times people out of the blue helped me along. I tried to plan, but my plans mostly didn't work like I'd wanted. Really all that matters is the end result anyway. My dreams came true. Now I so clearly realize that as scary as it all is, I am not afraid to take that next step toward making a "dream" become a reality.

So who knows? Maybe in a few years I'll be in a bit of a business venture...

For now I'm working in a bakery and every week we are short on clean aprons! What seems to be happening is a couple of the bakers are taking a BUNCH of them and hiding them so that ONLY they have clean aprons for their days. One of these bakers is Speedy, who only works three or four days a week and four hour shifts. The bad part is that the rest of us that work four or five days a week and full eight hour shifts are left without. (I have been saving my apron from day to day and wearing it again even though it's dirty... and YUK! That is getting old.)

The crap hit the fan a few days ago when one of the decorators,(Minnie) asked Speedy if she knew where another clean apron was and the answer was no... but THEN, another clean aprons materialized out of nowhere for Speedy's buddy who was another very part-time baker. Hmmmm...

This led to Dreamer, Minnie and me doing an all-out-search of the entire bakery the next morning before Speedy and her buddy came in for the day. We found their stash of aprons and briefly considered leaving them two. But the thoughts of Minnies hurt feelings when she was denied an apron, told there were no more and then finding out that there really were more... well? That was mean. So, this time WE took them all. Of course when the hidden stash of aprons were discovered missing there was a confrontation between the crew. (I stayed out of it... one of the benefits of being a newbie) I was pretty sure that our point was made though... when you only NEED three aprons for the week but you hide TWENTY, that isn't FAIR to the rest of us that need aprons too. Right?

So, bakery life went on "As The Oven Turns" and the apron dude came and took away all of our dirty aprons and left us with a supply of fresh ones and... the very next morning I went in to grab a clean apron from the bin and there were NONE.

What the heck? Isn't this microsoft territory? Isn't there MONEY here? I mean COME ONNNNNNNN!!!!! I live outside of Seattle. What a weird place this is. Maybe it's just me. I swear it has NEVER been SO clear to me before ever in my life how I am most definately a big city girl now. I'm not sure how that happened. I was living in the city and feeling like a hick... and now? I'm here in "hickville" and I'm suddenly feeling very "big cityish". I cannot EVEN believe these people. For the most part they just amaze me.

I can't really believe this. This is Washington State. Oh... this IS a "State" isn't it? I'm really not sure this is part of the United States. No, I'm really not. I have many reasons for thinking that but for right now I'm just talking banking. Don't people use BANKS here? Don't they expect banking service?

I've been at the same bank for years. I moved to Texas and back to Florida and I had no trouble with my back accounts. I've opened and closed accounts as Jake and I flip-flopped, seperating and getting back together through our marriage. I've had Money Market, Savings, Checking and Savings accounts there... I've traveled the country and found branches of my bank everywhere as I've needed them. It was not a problem. It's a nationwide bank.

Until I got HERE... in Washington State.

I went down to BOOB's R US bank to change the address on my account and was told that I could not do that. Um okay. I couldn't change it because I opened my account in Florida. Um... Huh? Well, it was okay since places here would accept my "out-of-state checks" from my "out-of-state" account BUT... I really did need to get an account in the state of Washington. It would make it easier they said. After more complications having my checks accepted, I went back to BOOBs R US BANK to open an account in THIS state.

Now keep in mind that I am already a customer and I told them that. I already have a checking and saving account there.

She asked me what type of a checking account I wanted. I told her that I wanted a Nuevo Futuro account. She looked at me like my head just fell off. They don't have that. Oh. Well? Okay... I guess that came out when Florida was seriously considering Spanish as a main language.

So I was asked what type of account that I wanted. Uhh, I want what I HAVE in Florida, except I want it in this state. She was clueless. I guess it's impossible to look that up from here, even though IT'S THE SAME FRIGGING BANK.

Okay, *deep sigh*... I'll play your silly game. I want a no minimum balance, no fee account, how bout that? "Oh, we don't have that," she says. It was my turn to look at her like SHE was nuts. "Uh yeah, we don't DO that here," she says.

Oh.

BUT there WAS an account with the same features as my Florida one but it had a DIFFERENT NAME. However, it's introductory. No fees for one year. After a year I'll have to keep a 500 dollar balance to avoid fines and then there will be a monthly service fee also.

Okay, for now I suppose it'll do. I dunno how to describe my thinking... totally f*cking shocked? No... even that doesn't come close... I've dealt with this bank forever and I've been happy there and NOW they say OH NO WE DON'T DO IT LIKE THAT HERE.

Hang on to your socks... It gets even better.

I open my account. Oh I get a free savings account with it too. Oh happy happy joy joy, that'll be oh-so-handy for all of the savings that I'll never manage to have.

GET THIS... my bank account and savings account ARE THE SAME NUMBER. No I'm not kidding. Oh, It can't possibly be confused they say. Oh, all you have to do is specify if you are withdrawing OR depositing to your checking OR your savings. It's as easy as that. Yeah, easy. I couldn't possibly confuse that. That's how they do it here I was told.

Hmmmm...

Okay, so now I make my deposit of my first paycheck. I turned it over to sign it and this woman literally ripped it away from me and told me that there was no need to sign it if it was a deposit. Uhh... Since WHEN? So, yes, my paycheck was deposited into my new wonky checking account without even having my signature on it. How about that?

The other thing that was weird was that I was only given the standard newbie package, (a pretty folder full of advertisements)... I did NOT get any temporary checks, or a bankbook, or a savings book. I only got a temporary ATM card but NO info about potential fees for using it.

Well....... all of that added up made me feel really uncomfortable. So, the next day I went to ATM to rip all of the money back out of it. I left about twenty-seven bucks and I hate to say I only left that much because I was worried about bank fees they might take out. Yes, I know what they said... but that doesn't mean much HERE.

In the meantime, it took nearly three weeks to recieve my bankcard and checks, but the address was wrong. I took them back down there and complained. Yes, my address was put into the system wrong. I guess the dimbulb that typed it right off of my driver's license can't read or type or whatever.

I was assured that everything's fixed... BUT it may take "maybe forever" to get my new checks and checkcard, because they're "having problems". (how reassuring) They can't tell me exactly WHAT the problems are, but it'll just take a while. Oh. Okay. Yeah well I don't really NEED those, sarcasm, sarcasm. That's all I use! I am NOT HAPPY.

So, I went to access my new account online and check my balance. I wanted to set up my online stuff right away because that's mostly how I pay my bills. My plan was that the "Washington" account would become my main account for paying bills. And GUESS WHAT???? I could not access that account. I have not been able to use that account at all. I've had no checks, no bankcard, and no information about using my temporary ATM card... I'm afraid to use the card. I'm afraid to make any deposits. I'm afraid to take any more money out.

I've had to continue using my account from Florida. So, I went to access that account online and I discovered that my account type has been CHANGED (without warning) AND they're yanking out fees!

I FINALLY was able to access my new Washington account only to find that they have yanked fees out of THAT one too! Yes, it was supposed to be no fees for a year. I'm glad I didn't believe them because they lied.

So, I've had it.

I went and got my paycheck today... oh, don't get me started there... I'm torn in half there. I like the company. I like my job. I WANT to work there. BUT there is obviously a wing-nut in their payroll department. I've been there for six weeks now and not ONE of my paychecks has been correct YET. They are paying me at starting pay, and that was NOT our agreement. Because of my experience I was hired in at a higher wage. In their attempts to "fix" this problem and pro-rate my pay, they've screwed things up even more. Okay, so partial hours for a partial week at a whopping quarter more than starting pay is a step in the right direction, but it still isn't coming close. Yes, I've been to my manager. Yes, I've been to my store manager. No, nothing has been corrected yet. This is ridiculous. I want what they owe me on a seperate check that's cut on Monday... Tuesday at the latest. I refuse to wait another two weeks for my next check so that they can pro-rate whatever which they OBVIOUSLY cannot figure out how to do. I'm putting in my two-week notice on Sunday. I'm sure that SOMEONE in this town can manage to actually pay me for what I can do. It's too bad that it isn't Blobbins.

I just can't seem to win here... I can't get paid correctly and the tads that I am being paid, I put in BOOB's R US bank to never be seen again as they evaporate into maintainance fees and I cannot access what's left of my funds.

From picking up my messed up check, I marched down to my BOOB's R US bank to close ALL of my accounts. At this point I have two checking and two savings accounts there. The bank was closed. Every other bank in town opens at nine. THEY open at ten, of course. I was steaming as I watched people go in and out of another bank that was right across the parking lot.

I waited... along with a bunch of other people, until BOOB's R US opened their doors.

I went in and told them that I wanted to close my accounts and they saidddddd... that they couldn't. THEY COULDN'T!!!! Oh, well ya see... their computers crashed AND their phone lines went down. Ppfffttttt!

Yep, the top of my head popped off and my brains fell out. I totally EXPLODED all over the poor woman. The bank was packed (even though it had just opened) and I was suddenly acutely aware that I was making quite a scene. I threw up my hands in defeat and huffed out, grumbling all of the way.

I walked right across the parking lot to A DIFFERENT bank. I was waited on right away. I was treated politely. (perhaps it showed that I was ready to go postal) I apologized to the account manager there because I was really in a foul mood and I was trying to calm down. He was patient with me as I opened three new accounts there. (You only need ONE dollar to open an account there, so I went ahead and opened a savings and an alternate checking account for internet purchases with TWO big ones... yep... ONE dollarreeeeennoooooo each.) Then I stuck my suckey paycheck in my NEW new checking account.

They have REAL free checking there. No fees, no minimum balance, overdraft protection, free debit/mastercard, free ATM withdrawls, no fee savings accounts, free online banking and transfers, free checks... I think I was in shock... It was more than I was looking for. My checking and savings accounts had DIFFERENT numbers! Do you believe it? My checks and bankcard will be here a LOT sooner than "maybe forever"... My address was ACTUALLY typed into the computer correctly! HOLYEEEEEE... well, WOW! Just WOW! OH, OH and they gave me temporary CHECKS to use in the meantime! I HAD to ENDORSE my paycheck!

I have information! I have real bankbooks! I have checks! I can get my money OUT if I want to! I have online access! WOW! I not only have REAL accounts now, I can actually USE them!!!

Yes Virginia, there IS real banking in Washington State.

Now if I can just pry my money out of the accounts at BOOB's R US sometime soon before they take it all for fees, I'll be able to pay a few bills.

I worked four days straight at Blobbins. It was a hard week but a good one, sorta, I guess. I hated having to work on the days Wally was here... but it's cool getting home by noon. I mean everyone's eyes are barely open by then, except Wally. He had trouble getting back to sleep after I left. He was a total sweetheart and got up with me in the mornings and started the coffee and was there to kiss me "bye"...

Then when I got home I was so darn tired and sore that I really didn't feel like doing anything. We were lucky that we squeezed in a couple of card games with the kids. That's about all I was up to.

Other highlights of the Blobbins scene, was being asked to be our departments safety representative. That's probably a blob for another day. I also got my thirty day progress report. They are quite happy with my work.

Then I checked my schedule to find myself off six days in a row. Off Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. I work the rest of the week, Wednesday thru Saturday, and I dunno what after that, but that's my four work days for next week at Blobbins.

This Wednesday I was looking at having six days off. So, I was wondering to myself, should I try out this temperary work-thing? I had mixed emotions about it. Will it be too hard? What about the people working with me, other temps... it's been a long time since I've mixed with the down-and-out crowd. I'm not scared of them exactly... I've been there and done that years ago, but it's a bit daunting now.

I decided frick-it, I'm going. I've been waiting for nearly two weeks for another paycheck from Blobbins, and it'd be nice to have a few bucks in my pocket until I get my check.

Now, this work-force place has been calling me EVERY morning without fail asking to report to work if I am available. First off, according to all of their paperwork that I read through about it, well?... It's not supposed to work that way.

You are supposed to go down there and "sign in" early in the AM, preferably between 5 and 6 and then they call you back if they have work for you. So the phone calls have been baffling me.

I decided that if they called me Thursday morning I was going to go, not knowing where I might go or what I might be asked to do, or even if I could do it... hmmm yeah, kinda scary.

I thought I'd look at it in different terms. It would be an adventure. Who knows what the day might bring?

Sure enough, they called. They said they had a construction clean-up job for me. I've done that before. I can do that. It's hard, it's nasty and it's usually mostly outdoors, but I can do that. It was cold that morning so I dressed in layers very warmly and off I went to check in at the office.

When I got there he said he had another job available and it was an indoor job, would I rather have that? Ummmm. I said it didn't matter. I was prepared to work outdoors. Then a guy comes up next to me and he is sent out and told that he needs boots, goggles and a hardhat for his job, and I was thinking holyyyyy crap! What have I gotten myself into?

Then I got my "ticket"... they call it that. It's paperwork. I was sent down to the mall. There is a new store opening there. It was indoor work. So, okay. I left to head down there. As I read the work ticket, I saw the description of the job, listing unloading forty pound boxes. And I thought OH NO, I'm going to go unload trucks! Throw stock! I haven't done that in a million years and I was tired from Blobbins. Geez, more lifting?

"Throwing stock" is actually a term from older days, when stockers used to line up and literally toss boxes to each other to move them from one place to another quickly. Now it just means unloading a truck that generally has celephane wrapped pallets on it, using pallet jacks and pallet lifts, and then unloading the pallets onto floats (long low to the ground carts) and seperating the product into sections of which department it belongs in. (stockers still literally "throw stock" though)

I just comforted myself with the fact that I could walk off if I wanted to.

When I got there I found that what I was going to be doing was opening up all of the boxes that were stacked up inside the store, removing the packing material, breaking down the boxes and putting the contents of each box in a little pink shopping basket.

It was a Japanese company that setting up a store in the mall. All of the stock was imported from Japan and the writing on them was mostly Japanese so I had no idea what was in them. It was some of the most beautiful dishes, figurines, nic-nacs and glassware. There was all different sizes and shapes of bowls, plates, spoons, teacups, saki decanters and tiny cups, in all different colors and designs. Heck yeah! I can spend all day doing this! Opening each box was a wonderful surprise.

We'd put all of the dishes from one box into one pink handheld basket,(just like the baskets in a grocery store) and put them in a line down the hallway. Then the Japanese guys would take them and go stack the dishes on the shelves where they belonged and bring us back the empty baskets to keep filling.

Of course, I sought out the most irritating temp employee man that I could find to work beside. We had to share a box cutter. His name was Mr. Anal Retentive and he could not shut up long enough to take a breath.

My back was starting to bother me so I built myself up a little "table" of sorts of boxes of stock that I could work off of so I didn't have to bend over so much. Mr. Anal retentive blabbered on about HOW exactly we were supposed to do things here, blah, blah, blah. For pete's sake's man, it's not brain surgery.

In the meantime, every time I turned around Mr. Anal took the boxes from my "table" and it was pissing me off. So, I'd stack it back up again and go get more boxes to open, and he'd take my "table" boxes AGAIN. Finally, I said, "Hey! You know there's all of THOSE boxes down there to open too," as I pointed down the hall at the massive stacks of boxes. "Oh!" he said, "We have to open ALL of THOSE too?" Well duh! We're stocking this entire empty store dumb-buns. So the "table" snatching stopped.

Then he started in about HOW special he is. He's some kind of super duper fancy special mechanic. He mentioned what kind exactly, but it was so interesting that I forgot what he said. He's also a full time student, work related of course. AND he had to leave early to pick up his kids because he's also super-Dad. Oh, and his "real" job is making balloon figures and entertaining at a local restuarant.

The balloon man???? THE balloon man???? I recognized him then! I told him that I'd seen him there and he'd made a motorcycle and bear hugging a heart out of balloons for my kids. He was the balloon guy at the restaurant that we went to. He told a crappy joke about Canadians and pretty much insulted us all that night.

Then our hands touched as he handed me the box cutter, while he was telling me how he'd never hand it to me the wrong way. (*rolling my eyes here*) I've worked with box cutters and knives forever and I've had many people hand them to me wrong. I know how to grab them without getting cut even then. Rule number one with box cutters is always, always slide the blade back in them when you aren't using them and I mean the instant that you are no longer actually cutting a box or whatever. It's an old automatic habit for me. Rule number two is to assume that no one else follows rule number one.

Well, me being me... when he touched me, I "picked up on him" really well. It's been a while since this has happened to me. Even with working at Blobbins I've been lucky enough to not have any physical contact with people.

*(He was nervous, very nervous. He's never done this kind of thing before... temporary work. This stuff is for losers, and he's not a loser. He's a mechanic. He doesn't belong here with these other losers. He has to impress upon them that he is not one of them. He needs the money. He doesn't know what else to do. He lost his last mechanics job. He's not a very good mechanic. The schooling will help. But he's not doing well in school either. He needs to leave early to study. His ex-wife has the kids. She's yelling for money and he doesn't have any. The balloon thing is an okay job but it doesn't pay. He needs to get another mechanics job. It's good money. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't belong here unpacking boxes with these losers. He just wants to get out of here.)

The rest of the people were quite a mix. There was a young girl that was obviously stoned and she kept to herself. There was a young man wearing and baseball cap that also kept to himself. The rest of us were older people. (by "older" I mean late 30's to early 60's) There were a couple of men that were homeless, a couple of men between jobs, and then there was Mr. All Knows. He is a permanent temporary labor worker. He knows everything about every job he's ever been on and by gosh he'll make sure everybody knows that. He's the boss or at least he makes like he is.

The rest of the day went pretty good as I was pulled aside to stock some of the displays of figurines and then I was put on the stationary aisle to hang up the pencils, pens, erasers, and all of that.

Right around the time I figured we were going to leave, (after eight hours) they were saying that we were staying until eight PM. What? Mr. All Knows asked me, "You didn't know this was a nine to eight gig?" Uhhhhh. No.

Mr. Anal Retentive balloon man had left already. I was asked if I could stay until eight. I told them I'd stay. I was asked if I'd work the next day too, nine to eight, and I agreed to that too. Why not? It's extra money and fairly easy work. The rest of the guys left at about five-thirty. Mr All Knows was not invited to return.

I left there at eight to return to the workforce office with my "ticket" and get my days pay, only to find the doors locked. They closed at six.

Well, life is just moving right along. Work has been going really well. I'm good at frying donuts. I'm fast and I know how to make them come out perfect. I know how to tell when yeast donuts are proofed just right. I know a few tricks to mixing cake donuts so that they come out beautiful. I've been able to combine what I know from my past and the way this company does things.

I just finished working three days in a row and now I have three days off. I checked my schedule for next week and I'm only scheduled three days again. *sigh* So, I went to talk to Gangley before I left for the day. I was promised more hours when I hired in than I've been getting the past couple of weeks. I was promised once again that I will be getting more hours. He's very happy with my job performance and besides, Easter is coming up. He might use me over in the decorating area doing some cakes.

My work day had gone really smoothly. I went in at three AM. I am the only one there for a couple of hours until the bakers that are on the ovens and mixing come in. I am still by myself after that because the frying area is back in the dish room... which is kinda weird. But I understand it, since they always try to put fryers back out of sight. Why? Because it's nasty... that's why.

I'm quite amazed by the volume of donuts that they do every day. There's all of the yeast raised, then there's cinnamon twists, apple fritters, bismarks and "bar" donuts, which are all yeast based. Then I have to mix and drop cake donuts and another type of donut that they call "old fashioned". That is new to me. It seems to be a type of cake donut too but when it's dropped it sort of busts open and turns inside out. They come out looking like flowers. It reminds me of a crueller but it's not even close to the same batter.

I fry them all using both fryers at the same time and in between I glaze the donuts, twists and fritters while they are still warm, and coat some in granulated sugar or cinnamon sugar, which also has to be done while they are warm. The ones that are coated in powdered sugar or covered in thick icing like chocolate or maple, have to be cool. So when I'm frying I do one screen that needs glazing or sugar right after coming out, and one screen that can just be set aside to cool.

I always have one screen of donuts in both fryers, two screens out and draining their excess oil and one screen on the glazer at all times. That's why I get done faster than anyone else. It's a juggling act. I'll flip the donuts over in the fryers, they are turned over one by one with a pair of sticks that resemble drum sticks. This must be done quickly. Then I go take the screen of glazed donuts off of the glazer, take the screen of draining donuts and slide them off onto the glazer and glaze them, the other screen thats draining goes on a rack to continue cooling, the donuts in the fryers are pulled out to drain and two more screens go into the fryer. They fry really quickly so it's very fast paced.

When all of the frying is done, I start finishing all of the donuts. The bismarks get filled with creme and topped with melted chocolate. Some donuts have the hole left in them, which I push down and then put raspberry or lemon filling on it. Then it's time to break out the thick white icing and melted chocolate and maple, the sprinkles, the crushed walnuts, flaked coconut, powdered sugar, and make them look good enough to eat.

I'm usually done between six and seven AM. Then it's time to clean everything and wash two tons of dishes. It's been really dirty back there for a long time and gradually on the days that I've been there I've been deep cleaning it. The cleaner it's gotten the easier it's been to keep clean. The months worth of dried glaze that was spashed and dried on the wall is gone now. The people I work with come back there now and say "WOW"... Once again it's part of my training from my past helping me out now. Being clean and organized actually saves you a lot of time too.

I was walking out the door at eleven-thirty AM. I think that's my favorite part of this job. I work my shift and I leave on time!

Since I'm only scheduled three days next week I started figuring that I need to find a second job. I've been thinking about it for a while. I just haven't been sure what to do. I don't want anything that will create a conflict with the job that I have now. I'm pretty wiped out after a shift at this job so I don't see trying to work another job on the same day a possibility.

I stopped off on my way home at a "work force" place. It seems like a good idea. I'd show up there at 530 AM on my days off and sign in. Then I wait for them to call me if they can place me for work for that day. They say that there's lots of work right now and they'll have no problem placing me. I'd also get paid the same day, so it would be nice to have a few bucks in my pocket while I'm waiting to be paid from "Blobbins". I'm paid every two weeks there.

I had to fill out all kinds of paperwork and take two tests. One was a work safety test and the other was like a personality test except that it was rather strange. Most of the questions had to do with your drug use or non-use, and your tendency towards violence, crime and theft. Well? I don't do drugs, I won't steal from anyone and I don't have a violent temper. I "qualified".... I'm not sure what to think of it all though.

I came on home to think it all over and found that Tony wasn't here. He's been suspended from school, (yes again) and was supposed to be here, so I was really annoyed. There's a lot going on with him. He's not doing so well here right now and I'm not sure how to help him out or even if I can. I can't live his life for him. It's looking like a situation where he can only help himself.

Things are out of control with him. Time to search his room, uh, I mean clean his room... I hate to admit that I'm "that" kind of parent... but I am. I respect my kids privacy, BUT... I'm not getting the truth. Things are being hidden from me. So I decided to clean. It's my mother's old trick... cleaning is a great excuse that also allows you to search.

Dani came in from school and started helping me. I went crazy-nutso cleaning of course, from the ceiling to the floor and everything in between. We even rearranged their furniture and everything got washed. It wasn't even close to the chore that it used to be since the kids really don't have an excess of stuff anymore. OH, I am so glad those days are over.

I think the kids are too. Both of them have realized that they don't need tons of crap and that just taking care of it all becomes a burden. They have gotten used to parting with things that they really don't need or know they won't use. Maybe they are just used to parting with things in general after all that has happened.

Tony came dragging in before dark with what he thought was a good excuse, even though he was not supposed to be out at all. Coming home from his buddys house, he was picked up by the cops. He was held for questioning concerning a burglery in the area, handcuffed and all. His shoes were taken to get imprints made which turned out to match those at the scene. He was only released because his friends vouched for where he was at the time.

The kids and I finished up their room and we all had a good long talk. My original thought of cleaning the entire apartment flew out the window. It was better to slow down a bit and just spend the hours with my kids.

Later on I was talking to Wally on Instant Messenger and I started to doze off and then fell asleep before I could even say good-night. The end to a long twenty hour day had come. I ran out of steam.

I woke up on the couch in front of my laptop. The alarm was going off on my phone. Tony had set it for me. It was 2 AM. I was groggy and exhausted as I was trying to figure out how to turn the darn thing off. It was a very nice gesture. He's trying to take care of me. He'd set my alarm so I wouldn't oversleep and make it to work on time.

I put in a bunch of applications and sent out resumes. Some of them were for jobs in my field, some were in related fields, some were for things I've never done, some were for management positions, some were entry level positions. Heck, some of them were for jobs that I don't even want, or with companies that I don't want to work for. All of that was a result I suppose, of my overall confusion and indecision. I don't know WHAT I want to do.

My first application went out to "Mega Market". I don't want to work there. After completing their application, it solidified my view that I really DON'T want to work there. They were the ones that had the personality test. They also had the odd list to fill in your age, 16 and under, 16-17, 18-24, and 25 and above. I most definately fit into the 25 and above category, haha! WAY above!

There are a number of reasons that I don't want to work for "Mega Market". It's a huge conglomerate that's nationwide and operates under two dozen or so different names. They are obviously looking for "younger" employees. They are not just a grocery store, they carry everything. You can buy a gallon of milk, a pair of shoes and a brand new couch all in one convenient stop. This is one of those companies that only sees profit for their senior executives and they strive to dominate the marketplace.

I can see it now. An employee there is a number without a name. The wages are low. If you want to advance there and earn more money, you can forget it, because there's someone twenty years younger than you are standing right behind you that will gladly do your job for less pay. I might be wrong about them, but I doubt it.

I figured that I'd see what I might be offered... what might fall in my lap. Maybe fate could make my choice for me?

I'm not in as good of a position as some other people because of my lack of education and my age. At the same I'm in a better position than some people because of my experience and years in the workforce. It leaves me in the middle though. Puke-in-the-Box won't hire me to fry french fries, but La Cordon Bleu won't hire me to manage a restaurant either.

I got NO call-backs at all, zilch, nada, nothing.

That's when I decided that I'd make my own fate. I pasted myself together, slopped on the ol' warpaint (make-up) and did a quick check at the website of a company that I AM very interested in working for and behold... there just happened to be a job opening at a local store branch for a baker. Umm okay, so I haven't worked as a baker for a billion and a half years, but I still remember how and I used to be a darn good one AND I recall that I always enjoyed the job. So maybe...

I left home with the attitude that I was going to land a job THAT day. If it wasn't the bakers position I was going for first, well, it would be something else. I was going to find employment.

The place I was interested in is a local grocery store, "Blobbins". I've been looking at them since I came here. It reminds me a lot of the grocery chain that I spent over thirteen years working for in Florida. So, I figured if I was going to go back into the grocery industry, that's where I wanted to be.

I had never been to that particular store, although I'd been to all of the others in this town. Some of the stores here, you either have to apply online or at their "employment kiosk" in the store, where you fill out your application on a computer. It seems like a "don't call us, we'll call you" situation. They don't even want to look at you.

I took my resume and application and marched straight back to the bakery and asked to see the manager. I figured at the very least we could shoot the breeze, and at the best I could talk myself into a job. From what I've experienced in the past, most bakery managers LOVE to talk. In this case I certainly wasn't wrong. This guy was a talker.

It was the day after Valentines Day so I asked ALL of the questions that bakery managers love to answer, like all of "the number" questions. How much were sales? What percentage of the store sales did you do? How much over last year? What percentage of sales were in decorated cakes? Labor cost per man hour numbers? Percentage of stales? Nothing interests a bakery manager more but totally bores everyone else.

In my case I was interested to know his answers. All of the questions that I asked gave me a pretty good idea of what kind of volume they produce there, where the department stands within the store itself, where the store stands within the company, what kind of wages I could expect, how strong the decorators are, and also how good the management is.

I was hearing what I'd hoped to hear and asked him if there was still a job opening for a baker. He asked me if I wanted an interview. Yes!

We sat in the deli's cafe section for my interview. It was a "by the book" interview complete with a standard questionnaire form that he had to follow. Same old crap. It wasn't long before we were talking shop though. There's nothing like an "old school" baker... someone that was a baker back when it was an appreciated science and almost an art form. I am an "old school" baker too... or I was... yes, I was... a billion and half years ago. I'm good with bread. I'm better with pastry. I'm best with cakes. I had to admit that I haven't mixed, rolled and cut yeast donuts in years. In fact, I never mixed much at all when I was a baker, except for cake icing. I sure did my share of mixing, dropping and frying cake donuts and frying yeast donuts though. I was most often on the bench or running the ovens.

He seemed to want to hire me and asked me right then if I was interested in going right on to the second interview. Yes! So, on we went with more forms and a lot more talking. This time it was my old "customer of the day" stories as I recounted situations with customers and how I handled them, he sat there and laughed as he could relate to all of it and shared his stories also.

Happy Hallmark Holiday.

I don't do Valentine's Day. For those of you that do celebrate, I hope you enjoyed. I suppose I can appreciate the fun that the day might possibly be for some folks. I'd love to let loose the battery acid that's eating me up right now and pour it all over this page with a twist of cynical humor... but I'll refrain for now. A lot of people love Valentines Day. I'm just not one of them.

This year was no exception. I will never change. February 14th is a freak out day for me. It never fails. Never.

My funky dunk actually starts the day before Valentines. This year it's especially disappointing. I thought things would be different now. Why am I so freeking stupid? Why would I DARE to think that anything about ME would change? I'm still me. The same old me... No matter where I go, there I am dammit.

Ah well. With that said...

Once upon a time a million years ago, back when I wore short skirts, leather, TOO much eye shadow and dyed my hair midnight black, I was into punk music. My favorite group was the Divinyl's. I'll never forget the the first time I saw them. I just fell in love with the lead singers voice, not to mention she was so incredibly cool. I lost the album that I had of theirs when I left Houston years ago and I never heard any of their music again, until this past year. Wally has been digging it up for me.

Then he found this video. It's HER! This is the woman with the voice! She's with a different group but it's her. It's Chrissy Amphlette.

I love it... IT'S HOT!

Seriously... WHAT could possibly happen NEXT? WHICH one of my body parts will peel, ooze, swell, leak, break, bleed, drip, crust over, fall off or in general FAIL me next?

I feel older than dirt...

I've recovered from the cold, complete with a nice new layer of skin surrounding my nose, all is well there. I've been being GOOD. I swear I have! I've been regaining my confidence about entering back into the work force and going on and getting back to doing my thing. I have my resume ready, not that I'll need it for my silly profession, but it does come in handy for filling out applications. I become retarded when I job hunt. I can shine when it comes to interviewing or tests or "auditions" (for decorators they want to see what you can do) but I can't remember my own phone number or address to save my life, let alone the names of people I used to work for and their numbers... so, a resume comes in handy for me.

I sat down and figured out my total monthly bills and how much I need to earn. That was actually kind of nice and I got a giggle from it. My bills are NOTHING compared to what they used to be. They are one third of what I used to pay when I was married and in that pit in Florida. Have I mentioned before how glad I am that part of my life is over?

What happens now?

I have a stye. I woke up this morning and I have a friggin STYE. What the heck? My lower eyelid is all swollen up and red, My eyeball is totally bloodshot. I look like I have pink-eye but I don't. Ugh! And here I thought the peeling, flakey skin around my nose was beautiful before? Well, THIS is another attractive look for job interviewing for a food service job. I'm sure I'd be hired instantly even though my eye is practically swollen shut, for friggin' cryin' out loud.